What turns you into one of Pavlov's dogs?
A few minutes into my home yoga practice this morning I discovered I had forgotten to turn the ringer off on my phone when a barrage of texts and WhatsApp notifications all suddenly went off.
Mind you, this was not a sweaty, flowy, high energy sort of yoga practice. This was a roll on the ground, stay for minutes in a pose, wear pajamas type of practice.
And I was doing it not because yoga is a healthy way to start a morning, but because I simply couldn’t not do it and be a good human today.
It’s been a busy few days and my nervous system has been more amped than usual. I was starving for quiet and stillness this morning.
When the first two notifications went off within seconds of each other, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, there was a part of me, despite the strap binding my legs into butterfly pose, who felt I needed to pop up and see who it was and what they needed.
Along with that urge to grab my phone came a surge of anger. How dare someone need something from me right now! Can’t I get ANY peace?
The tension I had been unwinding came back like armor, and my jaw clenched. With my nervous system in fight mode, in my mind and body I was now a victim and the people texting me became foes.
Aware of the spin in my mind and the tightness in my chest, I took a breath and refocused my attention to the sensation of the stretch in my hips.
And then it dawned on me. I shouldn’t get up and turn my ringer off. (And I sure as hay-ell shouldn’t get up and respond to the messages!)
My yoga should be listening to the notifications and practicing not letting them spin me out.
I didn’t think of it until now, that I’m writing this, but maybe subconsciously I got inspiration from the movie my sweetie and I watched last night called Good Luck to You, Leo Grande. (Fabulousmovie, by the way!)
The main character, played by Emma Thompson, is a 60-something repressed and tightly wound widow who hires a young sex worker to help her check off the positions on her list (yes, she has a literal list) that she’d like to experience.
In one scene, her phone rings while she and Leo Grande are awkwardly attempting physical intimacy. Flustered, she rushes over to pick it up to talk with her daughter.
“Do you always answer your phone when it rings?” he asks when she hangs up.
“Yes,” Emma Thompson’s character answers curtly.
“What about when you don’t want to?”he inquires.
“I answer it especially when I don’t want to,” she says, with all the rigidity of someone who has not let herself have a need or a desire for her entire adult life.
So yeah, a nice reminder of how not to be as I ignored my phone this morning. ;)
And I have to say, my yoga practice turned out to be kind of great. I got extra pleasure out of each ooey-gooey stretch when I gave myself permission to stay with myself and not make the people texting me more important than my own need to be still and quiet for a bit.
My question for you, then, is this: What turns you into one of Pavlov’s dogs?
What’s the external trigger that can send your nervous system into immediate activation and turn the world around you into something you HAVE TO RESPOND TO RIGHT NOW, especially if you resent it?
Is it your phone? Is it your kid saying, “heymomheymomheymom!” Is it your neighbor’s dog barking? Or your coworker with a question?
Now consider this: Given that no one will get hurt and you won’t lose your job, what if you practiced NOT responding right in that moment?
What happens if you don’t give in to the urgency of your nervous system and you stay with yourself and what you’re doing instead of making someone or something else more important in that moment?
And if you can’t seem to interrupt your knee jerk reaction, that’s ok. But be curious about what makes it difficult to do so?
Being able to understand and eventually interrupt your unconscious behaviors are the stepping stones to a fulfilling, pleasurable life.
Want to gain a foundational understanding of your nervous system’s response to triggers and a practical framework for behavior change? Check out my online course on reducing stress and anxiety by learning to regulate your nervous system.