A treat for the sheepdog in you
“I’m a total sheep dog,” she said. “If I don’t have something to DO I’ll tear up the couch.”
I laughed as my friend informed me of her plan for how she intended to manage her anxiety in the face of an upcoming event for work.
She knew that standing around making small talk was not only going to be uncomfortable because it’s inherently uncomfortable to make small talk, but also because she had recently made a public shift in her role that she was insecure about and she felt like her insecurity and anxiety might reek havoc on her at the event.
“So what’s your plan?” I asked.
“Easy,” she shot back. “I’m gonna’ text myself.”
She went on to describe to me how this is her latest way of staying with herself and checking in when she starts to feel anxious or dysregulated in public spaces.
“Nobody thinks twice if you excuse yourself to step aside and respond to an important text,” she explained. “And no one has to know I’m texting myself!”
BRILLIANT.
Texting yourself offers the perfect opportunity to express to yourself how you’re feeling, which research shows helps you to manage your emotions and feel more regulated.
So you could send one text to say what sensations you’re noticing and what those sensations tell you about the emotion you might be feeling.
And then you could send a follow up text offering empathy for feeling that way (Of course you feel that way!), and then some sweet words to remind yourself that you have your own back.
Because research also shows that when we get emotional resonance and understanding—even from ourselves—it helps to regulate your nervous system and soothe your emotions.
It’s also good to remember: the first step to being at home in your own skin around other people is to first BE in your own skin.
And like my friend, many of us need a plan for something to DO to come back to our own skin or else we’ll get all caught up in the frenzy of our anxiety or insecurity and start metaphorically tearing up the couch.
Speaking of insecurity…I have some fun news for you! Next week I’ll be at the Linkedin Learning studios to record my third course! This one is all about managing insecurity at work.
I’m so excited to get to film in person (did I mention my previous two courses were filmed remotely in my home due to Covid??), and then to share this new course in just a few months!
You can expect more treats for the sheepdog in you!
But for now: what’s your go to plan for when’re you’re feeling insecure or anxious and you need to come back to yourself?
Is it breathing? Tapping? Orienting yourself in the space you’re in?
Don’t know what your plan is? Check out my online course on regulating your nervous system to reduce anxiety in order to get more ideas and make your personal plan!