She changed my life. Who changed yours?
It was fall, 1999. I was a sophomore at the College of William and Mary. I had already transferred schools once, and changed my major twice because I couldn’t find a path of study that lit me up.
But I had fallen in love with yoga and rock climbing in my freshman year, and I was already teaching both and finding it deeply meaningful.
School was expensive, and since all I really wanted to do was teach yoga and climbing--and I was pretty sure I didn’t need a degree to do that--my 19 year old self went to the dean and asked to drop out of school.
The dean attentively listened to my rationale for leaving school, and validated my passion for teaching people to use their body to find more mental and emotional wellness.
But then she said, “You know, you’re a smart young woman, and I sense you’re also an adventurous person. I suspect if I sign your papers to leave school now you'll follow your passions far. But I also suspect there'll come a day when you'll look back and regret not having gotten a degree.”
Calmly and confidently, and with a little spark in her eye, she offered me a deal.
“I challenge you to design the degree that a yoga teacher and rock climbing instructor would need to be the absolute best at their job. If you can get the board of deans to approve it, you have to promise me you’ll stay and graduate. And if you can’t get the board of deans to approve it, I promise you I’ll sign your papers and you can leave school to follow your passions.”
This moment changed my life.
Not only did this adult see me, she understood what I really wanted for my life and opened a door I didn’t even know existed so I could find it.
I left her office that day with a pep in my step, and immediately got to work figuring out what I didn’t know I didn’t know so I could craft a body of learning that would be personalized for the path I wanted to take in the world.
A few months later, the board of deans approved my major: Psycho-social Health and Human Movement. It was a mixture of kinesiology, psychology, sociology and anthropology, with an eye to studying cross-cultural implications of stress, and how to implement body-based programming to prevent mental and medical illness.
In other words, I studied the mind-body connection before it was even in the cultural awareness. And I loved every single moment of it! Not only did I get a degree, but Pscyho-social Health and Human Movement is also now an official degree at The College of William and Mary, which is the second oldest school in the U.S. behind Harvard.
I recently told this story to one of my closest girlfriends and she exclaimed, “JAY! How have I never heard this story before?? And why don’t you tell this to everyone?!”
So I’m telling you now. :)
Because I want you to know that I have done nothing but study and help people (and myself!) pursue embodied emotional and social health since 1999.
I’m proud of that. And I’m also so damned grateful to that dean who helped me see what was possible and to make a commitment to myself that has lasted 24 years and counting.
When I’m at my very best at what I do, I’d like to think I do for my clients what that dean did for me all those years ago: I see who they really are, and I unlock doors they didn’t even know existed so that they can live the life they’ve secretly always hoped could be theirs.
What an honor and a privilege. And I look forward to another few decades of the same.
And since you might ask, yes, I’ve reached out to William and Mary to help me track down that dean to thank her for changing my life for the better. We're currently in the sleuthing process. I'll keep you posted!
So my invitation to you is this—reflect on the people who changed your life, even if it was through one seemingly mundane conversation decades ago. If you can, reach out to thank them. If that's not possible, pause a moment to hold them in your heart and send your gratitude through the ethers to them.
And then tell the story to someone! Because who knows, maybe through telling the story you can change someone else's life?
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