The People Pleaser’s M.O. is trying to avoid upsetting or negatively impacting other people. They hate conflict, opposition, uncomfortable talks and misunderstandings. They love when everything is copacetic and nice. The People Pleaser worries a lot about fitting in—even if they don’t particularly like the people or the scene that they’re trying to fit in with.

The People Pleaser replays conversations from the past in their head, and they script out future conversations in their head. If they can’t find a way to say what they have to say that won’t upset someone else, The People Pleaser will usually decide to avoid communicating about hard things at all.

Even if they think their way of doing something is better, The People Pleaser will usually default to the other person’s way so as not to rock the boat, and they’ll go out of their way to take more than their share of responsibility in a tough situation if they sense it will smooth things over with the other person or people involved.

In a similar vein, the People Pleaser also routinely says yes when they would prefer to say no, and they’re masters at putting the needs and feelings of other people before their own. A lot of their overthinking, then, revolves around justifying to themselves why they’ve acted against their own better knowing or true nature.

Because they tend to orient to the needs and preferences of other people, it can be hard for The People Pleaser to know their opinion or their preference or to make decisions, big or small.

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NOW WHAT?

Is your mind already chewing on what all of this means?

Or maybe you’re second guessing your results…are you really another archetype??

And are you wondering how to apply the insights about your overthinking archetype to stop overthinking and start trusting yourself?

Don’t worry. I got you.

First, I encourage you to take a breath or two, and shake off any of the tightness in your body. You don’t have to figure anything out right now.

But here’s what you can do in the coming days to begin to integrate this information:

1. Start to become more aware of your body.

Because the difference between thinking and overthinking is in how it feels.

Overthinking is like your brain being at battle with itself. Your whole body feels tightly wound, especially your head, neck and shoulders. Your jaw is likely clenched or your brow is deeply creased. Your breath is shallow or you’re holding it, and your heart is beating fast. You might even feel nauseous.

When you’re overthinking, you tend to experience yourself as rigid, edgy or ungrounded. You might feel disconnected, unproductive or checked out, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed or anxious.

This is not who you are. This is you overthinking. And it can be shifted!

You can do something as simple as give your face and neck a quick massage, shake your arms and legs, give yourself a hug, go for a walk…or even sometimes it’s enough to sit or stand up taller to shift your thinking.

Why? Because your body is your greatest tell when it comes to overthinking, and it’s also your greatest ally. Using a bottom up approach (sending info from your body to your brain) is a powerful way to regulate your nervous system and to get you in touch with the inner resources that will help you stop the hamster wheel in your head.

2. Use your mantra.

When you find your body giving you all the overthinking tells, or you catch yourself ruminating on your core question, or you realize that your core fear is lurking under the surface…let that be your sign that it’s time to use your mantra.

Your archetype’s mantra is medicine that’s unique to your core fear. Saying it to yourself is a way of soothing the part of you who may feel scared and is trying to fix feeling scared by overthinking. (Which, by the way, isn’t helpful.)

I get it that it might feel awkward or fake to say your mantra to yourself at first, and that’s ok. But see if you can look for the part of yourself who might be open to letting the words in, or even potentially believing your new mantra. That’s the part of you who will befriend you in moments when your overthinking is taking over.

3. Take action.

As the People Pleaser, your biggest challenge is that you’re constantly putting the needs and feelings of others ahead of your own, at your own expense. So the action I encourage you to take is to start setting boundaries!

Easier said than done, I know. So that’s why I have a free video for you about The 3 Steps to Setting Embodied Boundaries.

Following the steps in the video will get you started on the path to proving to yourself that your experience really does get to matter. And that’s HUGE.

But setting boundaries is only one part of the equation when it comes to shifting your experience.

Just as overthinking is just ONE form of self-sabotage that you’re probably doing.

Overthinking usually runs in the same crowd as things like not trusting your gut and not feeling at home in your own skin, especially around other people. Sound familiar?

Addressing the whole system of self-sabotaging behaviors takes an integrated and holistic approach that includes your body, brain, heart and nervous system.

For over two decades, I’ve been on a mission to give smart, sensitive, self-sabotaging people (like you) the practical tools they need to live in a way where their insides match their outsides and they are trustworthy to themselves.

Because like the “training” you got to NOT do that, changing your capacity to not just know better but do better is a matter of training.

So if you’re ready to have access to the entirety of the training you’d need to stop overthinking (and all the other behaviors on the self-sabotaging menu), I’ve made a signature program that encapsulates everything I’ve learned over the last 20+ years and that has helped hundreds of people like you stop sabotaging themselves and start trusting themselves.

It’s called Yours Truly.™ Click the video below to learn more!

(Pssst…if you don’t think you have the capacity to do the full program right now but you do want a quick and effective mini course (for only $36!) that will help you get at the root of your overthinking check out the Yours Truly Mini Course: The Initiation!)

Too much to think about right now?

That’s cool.
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