Lessons from wedding dress shopping
Sometimes I can make big decisions in no time—the woman who helped us pick out kitchen cabinets, etc. when my sweetie and I remodeled our kitchen in 2020 said she’d never seen a couple make their decisions about all the details faster.
But other times I get caught up in the “maybe this/maybe that” until I drive myself—and anyone else privy to my hemming and hawing—crazy.
I can be particularly bad when trying to decide what to order at a restaurant.
But to be fair, I don’t know how much that has to do with being bad at making decisions versus just loving food and everything sounding good!
What I do know is that decision fatigue is REAL. And when I get into my head about a decision, decision fatigue gets REALER.
In the same week that I was making final edits to my scripts and picking out outfits to show my producer for my next course on Linkedin (which I filmed this week—scroll down for some pics!), I was also making a hundred little decisions about selling and prepping for Yours Truly.
I also happened to be shopping for a wedding dress that week. (Yes, my sweetie and I are getting married! Yes, I feel lucky and certain and happy!)
But that is decidedly not how I felt when I was about 15 dresses and 3 days into shopping!
It should be known I’m not a huge fan of shopping. It should also be known that I was not so into the idea of a traditional wedding dress, but I decided I’d try all kinds of dresses, including wedding dresses, just to see if something surprised me.
I had the hopeful notion that I’d just know it when I saw it…but that didn’t end up being the case.
Once I had it narrowed down to 3 dresses, I sent pics to a few of my closet girlfriends asking for feedback. Though they, in addition to my mom who was with me, all offered very thoughtful and thorough critiques of each dress and me in it, it didn’t help me feel more clear.
But then came these words of wisdom from one of my friends who also happens to be a somatic coach:
Every one of these dresses is beautiful on their own, and you look beautiful in each one of them or they wouldn’t be contenders. So you can’t go with how they look. I’d recommend closing your eyes and feeling which ones FEELS the most like you when you have it on.
I realized then I had gotten so locked up on the different details and looks and price tags and critiques of each one of the dresses that I hadn’t really been present in my body.
Side note: Amen for friends who graciously remind you to walk your walk. ;)
When I closed my eyes and imagined myself in each of the 3 contenders, it turned out none of them were the right dress. It was another dress—the only one I had come out of the dressing room dancing in because the look and the feel of it were just too dang fun not to dance.
Decision made.
Such a good reminder that the body has its own intelligence, and our job is to remember to tune into it.
Gathering all the data, making pro and con lists, asking for feedback…they all have their place. But at the end of the day, it comes down to a feeling.
How does it feel to wear the outfit?
How does it feel to be with that person?
How does it feel to say yes? To say no?
How does it feel to stay? To leave?
Or one of my favorite guiding questions a dear friend offered me a hundred years ago when I was struggling with a big decision:
If you imagine putting each of the choices in its own box and then picking them up one at a time, which box feels lighter? Which box could you carry easier?
Then there’s this piece I wrote a few years ago about turning the flipping a coin practice into a somatic practice for making decisions.
All of this to say, if you find yourself facing a decision, big or small…or just too many decisions, seek counsel from your body and see what it has to say.
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